maran_z (maran_z) wrote in badbadzimfics,

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"Love Knows No Race" by Carlotta Valjean

I ran across this . . . thing while looking for old Mary Sues. It has incest, mpreg, and a SIR getting pregnant! Yes, you heard right. It's also extremely confusing and OOC.

Story link:

Basically, Dib is now a teenager and crushing on Zim (the feeling is mutual). He then finds out he's really a full-blooded Irken and takes the news very well. I have no idea how he's been drinking water for 17 years if he's an Irken, but does the writer care? No way!

"Incoming trans-MISSON!" The Irken next to the control screen yelled to the Tallest.

"Put it through, Topaz." Purple said waving his free claw. The other was over Reds claw.

"Yes sir!" Topaz yelled again. Zim’s Irken face came onto the screen.

"Zim?" Red asked dropping his soda into his lap.

"Yes, my Tallest. I have grown a bit, but I have seemed to stumble across a lost Irken Invader." Zim said with a smirk. Invader? I get the feeling that this author is one of those stupid fans who think that most Irkens are automatically Invaders.

"A lost Irken?" Purple asked perking up an antenna.

"Yes, Dib Membrane." Zim said mistaking Dib's father's first name for his surname pulling Dib onto the screen. The two Tallest gasped. "Holy Irk, look at the size of his head! You could land a Viral Tank on that thing!"

Dib’s blue eyes conflicted with his green skin to create the perfect contrast. His antenna seemed to twitch with nervousness.

"Look at us, Invader Dib." Red said with a slight commanding tone. Dib looked at them, his eyes lost in what looked to be awe.

"You have been lost for 17 years from the Irken Empire. We wish to accept you back, but you need to come to a ceremony." Purple said seriously.

"My Tallest, may I ask a question?" Dib asked with a tone that he had said it many times before. Okay, now I'm really confused. This sentence seems to imply that Dib had a past life on Irk. Me hurting to think.

"Long ago, when the Irken Empire began, so did a never ending love between two ‘males’ I like how 'males' is in quotes. of the Irken species. As time went on, their love created an Empire of Irkens, trained in every subject that you could possible think of. But the two lovers soon died next to each other, vowing that their legacy of Love would never be shorted.

"Many men were born, and in every life time two ‘male’ Irkens found each other and loved beyond love. Each one dying next to one another as the first pair had. Red and I are lucky; we have been chosen not only to be the pair to Love, but also to be the Tallest. But upon you’re arrival today, the next generation has come faster than anyone had ever imagined.

"Red and I have also passed much of the things we had at your age to you both. GIR was Red’s at one point, as was the runner Zim flies. I myself had KIR, and the runner you are sitting in. But there is more, we have passed our love to you and in that, Red and I have begun to fade. You two are almost tall enough to become the Almighty Tallest, Red and I will hold on to each other until that time comes."

"But Invader Dib, keep Zim close to you. Hate will try and steal him away, as will jealousy. But I have confidence that you both will survive it. I pass onto you the hope and the future of the Irken Empire and the Armada. I will keep you in my heart, my son." Purple’s image than cut out immediately. ‘Son?’ Dib thought.

"Son? What the hell does ‘son’ mean?" Dib asked enraged.

"You’re my..." Purple clasped his hands around Red’s. "Our child, as is Zim." Dib’s mouth dropped.

"It’s illegal to sleep with your sibling!" Dib screeched.

"No, it’s not." Red said speaking up. Purple was shocked.

"You mean...?" Purple said.

"I love you, my brother." Red said with a smile, kissing him on the cheek.

Yeesh . . . If you're going to defy healthy traditional relationships, could you at least do it in a way that isn't sappy?

Oh, and here's a helpful author's note:

Anyway, I must need to explain something if there was some confusion. Red and Purple conceived Zim and Dib, but since Purple didn’t want Red to know he had children, so he gave them to 2 Irkens. On which stayed on Irk (Zim and his mom) the other went to Earth (Dib and his daddy). So... big long thing... I dunno... I got bored.

"My Tallest, Invader Dib and his SIR, KIR, are both pregnant!" She babbled excitedly. Purple woke up at the word, ‘pregnant’.

"Huh?" Both asked in amazement.

"How the heck does a droid get pregnant?" Red half screamed. It was still early in the morning and Red yelled loud enough to wake half the universe.

"I dunno, but they both are!" Ros said again with a shrug.

"Red, calm down... it’s finally starting." Purple said looking out the window. Silence filled the room.

"You may leave, Invader Ros. And thank you for that painful valuable information." Red said, dismissing the small invader. She sighed and walked out of the room.

"I hope the baby dies..." She muttered as she walked back to the control room to see if she could find out anything else.

(9 months later...)

Zim flicked on the TV to get an irken channel he used to love as a wittle irken. He sat there and stared at the TV screen for hours until he heard a loud scream of pain from somewhere in the house.

"Computer! What is going on?" Zim asked fear in his voice.

"It seems that KIR has gone into labor..." Another scream echoed in the house.

"As has Dib." The computer said with worry. Yes, it seems both Irkens and robots have the exact same gestation period as humans. Imagine that.

"Get them down here!" Zim shouted. Two tiles raised off the floor and went after the two screaming patients. Dib arrived first, clutching his stomach and sweating already. KIR came next, gritting her so-called teeth in pain, GIR holding her hand.

"Computer! How the hell do we do this?" Dib screamed at the ceiling. His eyes were blurry with tears of pain.

"Um... not sounding forward or anything, but Dib, I suggest you take off your pants. And GIR, take off KIR’s metal plating around her... lower body." The computer instructed. The obstacles of childbirth were removed quickly, just as KIR and Dib both let out a cry of pain.

"ZIM! Help me here! You’re gonna be a father you know!" Dib cried. Zim grabbed Dib’s hand just as Dib let loose another scream and almost squeezed Zim’s hand off. "Darn it, Zim, you're having the next one!"

"Master! There’s something coming!" GIR cried as a minature cry rang into the room.

"GIR, hold the baby’s head so it doesn’t die! And make sure you don’t pull!" Zim instructed as Dib gave a huge cry and began to push. There was a harsh, metallic cry as the new SIR was born into the world. GIR grabbed a pillow and stuck it behind KIR, before she collapsed backward. He grabbed a blanket out of his head and wrapped it around the new baby. He handed it to KIR and then took out another blanket to cover her with. Bluish oil dripped off the new SIR, KIR looked tired and proud and she kissed GIR’s ‘lips’.

How ever, Dib let loose yet another scream as a small irken head wormed its way out of him. Where exactly did it come out? . . . Never mind, I don't wanna know. Actually, it would be interesting to see an IZ mpreg fic where the baby goes "heh-CHAH!" and bursts out of the character's stomach, just like Zim did in "Frycook." Man, I'm messed up.

"GIR! Can I have a few blankets?" Zim asked hurriedly as he let go of Dib’s hand to deliver the baby. I think those were the two fastest labors in history. And what are the odds that they would give birth within seconds of each other? Gah, why am I trying to apply logic to a story where robots can sexually reproduce? GIR handed him 3 different blankets. Zim chose the bright blue one, and got the baby with it. He wrapped up the screaming little irken with a smile. He then spread a blanket over Dib’s legs. He grabbed the other pillow off the couch and put it behind Dib.

"Thank you Zim." Dib said kissing Zim’s lips as he handed Dib the baby. Dib gasped as he looked at the baby. It had very light lavender eyes. It smiled and giggled as it touched it’s ‘mommy’s’ face. This beautiful bundle of joy dripped a little bit of red goo off its leg. The same stuff was dripping off the still floating tile.

"What are we gonna name it, Zim?" Dib asked soothing the baby irken until it fell asleep. So . . . Was the smeet somehow born with a Pak, or can it magically survive without one?

"I think it’s a she, Dib. Not that it really matters in a world where the sexes are interchangeable." Zim said with a smile.

"I’ll take your word for it. What will we name her?" Dib asked with a tired smile.

"Sek?" Zim asked contributing.

"Sek... I like it. What about you two?" Dib asked the two droids next to them.

"We’re naming her VIR." KIR said with a smile.

"What does the ‘V’ stand for?" Dib and Zim both asked.

"We dunno..." The two others said with a shrug. They all began to laugh. Did I mention that KIR acts cute and stupid just like GIR? Yeah, it's really special.

And the horror goes on for a few more chapters, which I only skimmed. I do know that Zim and Dib's daughter eventually ends up having Red's smeet. Remember, folks, Red is her grandfather. So . . . Lessee . . . That would make the smeet Red's kid and great grandkid.

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